Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
