he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
