dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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