is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
