saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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