smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
