It's like God shit irony all over that family
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
