I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Shame - the story of my life.
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