The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
