Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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