Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
