I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
