i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
