Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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