I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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