Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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