Well douche your snatch and let's go!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
