Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
