My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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