Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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