i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
