he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
