I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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