THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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