I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
