I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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