He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
