oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
