First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
