all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
