You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My breasts were aching with rage.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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