TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
