so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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