I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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