the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
