What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
