she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
