Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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