Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
