All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize