Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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