i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My dick has a subreddit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
