just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
