what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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