a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
