dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
