i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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