so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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