My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
