Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
