$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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