If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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