I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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