Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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