Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
