We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
