I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize