i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
