"it" just moved
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
